Four-Wheeling Frenzy

Austin’s First All-Girl Roller Derby Spins Into High Gear
by Katie Garza

Eva Destruction. Miss Conduct. Rolletta Lynn. Lucy Furr. Princess Slaya. Sounds like a villainous cast of characters from an action-packed superhero flick. Yet these female personas are far from being a figment of Hollywood’s imagination. These women are 100 percent alive and kickin’ — and skatin’ – right here in Austin. If you haven’t already caught wind of this blazing hot phenomenon, allow me to introduce you to the first all-women roller derby league in Texas.
You heard me right. I said roller derby. Thanks to a grassroots organization called Bad Girl Good Woman (BGGW) Productions (www.bggw.com), this counterculture sport is back from the 1970s with a vengeance and taking all latent roller-crazed fans by storm.
For those of you who aren’t old enough to remember the roller derby, a typical match-up, or “bout,” consists of 10 seriously competitive women on wheels who skate furiously in a tightly knit pack around a rink, weaving, dodging — and, yes, sometimes fighting and clawing
their way to victory.
Here’s the low-down on this four-wheel showdown. There are two teams, each consisting of five players: a pivot, three blockers and a jammer. At the blow of a whistle, the pivots and the blockers take off from the starting line. The pivots lead the way and set the pace for their blockers who follow closely behind as they circle the rink. Once the girls gain enough speed to become one rolling force of pure femme fatale, a second whistle blows. This signals the jammers, still at the starting line, to take off at a full sprint. The “jam” is now officially on!
A jammer’s first objective is to catch up with the rest of the field, pass every skater in the pack and then lap the rink. Once a jammer has come full circle, she must try to break through the pack once again, this time accumulating one point for every opposing team member she passes. Meanwhile, each team’s pivots and blockers work together to foil the progress of the opposing team’s jammer.
Blinking while watching a roller derby can cause you to miss half of the action. The bouts consist of four feverishly paced 10-minute periods, divided by a halftime. When a jammer catches up to the pack and breaks through for the first time, she has only two minutes to lap the rink and start passing her opponents. There’s an exception to this rule, however. The first jammer to break through the pack is the “lead jammer,” and she has the power to call off the jam at any time by placing her hands on her hips. A lead jammer sometimes chooses to stop the jam because the other jammer has passed her up and has started to score. Most times, however, a competitive jammer will opt to keep the action rolling even if her opponent has gained the lead. After all, the derby is all about suspense and showmanship. And there’s no such thing as a tie game. If the scores are equal at the end of the fourth period, the girls go into “sudden death,” in which they skate for five-minute periods until a point is scored.

ALL IS FAIR IN SHOVE AND SCORE
As in most team-oriented sports, there are referees, and roller derby officials are kept plenty busy. With skates strapped on their feet and whistles wrapped around their necks, they call each point scored and often cite players for unsportswoman-like behavior. According to the rule book, players cannot block from the rear; use any part of the arm below the elbow to block; trip an opponent; grab, hold or pull an opponent; or fall intentionally to block an opponent.
Yet, as the saying goes, rules are made to be broken, and roller girls take no exception. In addition to their raw speeds in tight quarters (typically a 90-by-60-foot rink) and their potential for domino-effect pile-ups when skaters go down, these women on wheels keep spectators on the edges of their seats with cutthroat tactics and aggressive skating.
“It’s sort of like wrestling on skates,” says Heather Burdick, a “She-E-O” at BGGW Productions and former derby team captain known as “Sugar” in the roller rink.
However, spectators won’t see any Worldwide Wrestling Federation shenanigans here. The competition is real; every act of will on wheels is backed by athletic skill, quick thinking and an insatiable desire to win.
“At the bouts you will see competitive women working really hard to keep the other jammers from getting through the pack,” explains Anya “Hot Lips Dolly” Jack, another BGGW She-E-O and former derby team captain. “They will do whatever it takes and tempers flare. We try to keep it PG-13 but it’s like ‘Xanadu’ meets wrestling meets the carnival — surreal at times but exciting and fun.”
“These girls are serious about it on the floor,” adds Burdick. “There’s a lot of falling and a fair share of fighting, so there are plenty of penalties and that’s where the fun stuff comes in.”
Roller girls cited for minor infractions must sit out for one minute in the penalty box while their teams skate “short handed.” Furthermore, as long as a team member is in the box, the jammer on that team cannot call off a jam even if she has taken the lead. Roller girls cited for gross misconduct — for instance, fighting or “excessive insubordination” — must submit to the mercy of Dr. Noodles and the Penalty Wheel. (Interesting side note: Dr. Noodles in real life is Richard Biscuit Turner, an Austin Music Hall of Fame inductee and the front man for The Big Boys.)
Like a “Wheel of Fortune” contestant in bizarro world, the cited player must spin a giant wheel containing a myriad of punishments meant to simultaneously humiliate the recipients and entertain the audience. For instance, if the wheel lands on “trailer trash,” the player must continue playing the game wearing a wig of hair curlers and an unsightly housecoat while carrying a baby doll. If the wheel stops on “spank alley,” the player must skate past a row of audience members who pay extra to sit in the alley and spank the punished player as she passes by. A spin that stops on “truth or dare” means that Dr. Noodles can dole out any question or dare his warped mind can muster.

FOUR-WHEELIN’ FEMALES
So, who are these women on the fast track to superhero cult status among Austin’s growing populace of roller derby fans? Surprisingly, they’re much like you and me.
“In the league we have teachers, Web designers, accountants, scientists, personal trainers and many moms,” admits Jack, speaking of the approximately 50 women who range in age from 21 to 35. (Players must be 21 or older to participate.)
Managed by Burdick, a 33-year-old substitute teacher; Jack, a 28-year-old bartender; and Nancy Lynn, a 33-year-old welder, BGGW Productions’ All-Girl Roller Entertainment was borne in 2001 out of the Red River Street music scene. The original idea was to present the all-girl derby as part of a live concert package. (BGGW derby events always feature opening and halftime bands and a deejay who spins a turntable faster than a Krypto Rage XT speed skate wheel.)
It was a kitschy concept intended to appeal to Austin’s gritty rock-n-roll scene. Yet as the women delved further into the roller world to make BGGW Productions a reality, they discovered that the skaters’ athleticism and competitiveness were equally as important as the gimmicks and the pageantry. It took blood, sweat and tears (not necessarily speaking figuratively here) and more than a year to organize four teams, develop an official roller derby rule book and whip the newly recruited players into tip-top fighting form. The first bout in July 2002 attracted an audience of 350 people. Attendance doubled to 700 at the second event, and the third bout drew a few hundred more. The last match of the season sold out with a record crowd of 1,200 fans.
“The appeal is amazing,” admits Burdick. “We have grandmothers, little children, conservative families and crazy rock-n-rollers and bikers. We also have a huge girl-fan base, women who see this great thing that we’re pulling off by working together and having fun. It’s flashy, competitive and athletic. It’s definitely half production, half sport.”
The Hellcats, always saucy in their signature pink-and-black, circa 1950s Pink Ladies garb, dominated the roster as the 2002 league champs. Tied for second place were the Rhinestone Cowgirls, forever decked out in Daisy Duke cut-offs and pearl-snap shirts, and the Putas del Fuego (Kids: Don’t ask your Spanish teachers to translate this one), whose uniforms boast red-and-orange flames worthy of the most cherry Camaro. Finishing out the roster were the Holy Rollers, who nevertheless proved to be a consistent crowd favorite in their naughty school-girl uniforms, complete with halos and wings.
This year, the league has expanded to include the Hustlers, who throw a “Saturday Night Fever” element into the mix. These girls aren’t afraid of gratuitous amounts of glitter, polyester and their signature color — an electric purplish-blue.

Missy “Ultra Violet” Spears, a regional sales manager in medical sales by day and a pivot/jammer by night, says she “can’t wait to get out there and tear it up.” She and her team members showcased their freshly acquired derby skills at a halftime show in February.
“I think what makes the roller derby so different is that it combines a lot of fun and flair with some serious athletic competition,” says Spears, who admits to being a skating rink regular back in junior high. “I used to tell people that I peaked at the rink in seventh grade. I’m having so much fun being a part of this and actually getting to use those skills now.”
Jack says that BGGW Productions plans to host tryouts for new league members in July, but she warns interested hopefuls to begin training now. At minimum, skaters should know how to move forward and backward, turn around and jump. An aptitude for speed, stamina and balance is critical as well.
“You have no idea how hard it is to fall, get up, fight, fall again and then skate hard,” Jack says. “We’re talking commitment.”
Because BGGW Productions had such a successful first season, league members no longer have to pay to play (with the exception of a $30 annual insurance fee through U.S.A. Roller Sports, which covers injuries incurred at practices and bouts). The roller girls go through extensive training throughout the season, and all of it is free.
The league’s personal trainer, Laurie Rourke, coordinates two serious core-strengthening workouts a week, in addition to mandatory two-hour skating practices twice a week. There’s an optional weekly speed-skating class and individual team practices as well, according to Burdick.
“Many of these women have athletic backgrounds,” Burdick explains. “We have some rugby players and some volleyball players … there’s even a belly dancer. It’s an interesting cross section.”
Roller derby practices focus on balance, endurance, strength and speed. For instance, the girls may skate an obstacle course, jumping over low beams and weaving through cones, and then skate 100 laps as fast as they can. Another regular drill sharpens their accident-dodging finesse; as the girls skate in a pack, teams are called at random to fall so the skaters around them have to think fast on their feet. According to Burdick, learning how to fall is a major focus in practice.
“Women are taught how to use their bodies in such a way so they can take falls and hits well,” she says.
As is true among cowboys in the rodeo, the prospect of injury during a roller derby competition is not a matter of “if it happens,” but “when it happens, and how bad will it be.” Bruises and bumps are as common as the tattoos on these rock-n-roller queens.
“We take preventative measures,” says Jack. “We do a lot of strength training and we wear full gear: a helmet, mouth guard, and knee, wrist and elbow pads. But sometimes there’s no way to protect yourself. We’ve had a broken tooth, stitches on a chin, but they all come back after their injuries heal.” She says all roller girls are responsible for purchasing the required gear.

DERBIES IN THE DISTANCE

On March 15, the roller girls will make a SXSW appearance at Austin Music Hall (see end of article for details), but the official 2003 season kicks off in April with two bouts a month through August, when the championship playoffs will be held. To date, the venues have been Playland Skating Center and Austin Music Hall, but more venues may be added to accommodate the derby’s growing audience. Ultimately, the roller girls would like their own rink, but — as with all start-up operations, funding is an issue.
Nevertheless, BGGW Productions plans to roll its high-wheelin’ operation into other cities across Texas and throughout the United States. Talks

already are underway to establish leagues in Chicago, Ill., and Las Vegas, Nev.
“Our plan is to take over the world on four wheels,” quips Burdick. “This is something I wanted to do to meet other strong women who aren’t going to judge me for being strong,” adds Jack. “I realized that a lot of the girls in this league started because they also wanted to meet more like-minded women, and that in itself was really powerful.
“Our history is like a lot of people’s,” she continues. “We all grew up in the skating rink, making out with the bad boys in the corner, having birthday parties and slow skating with our boyfriends and girlfriends. We have the nostalgia to get us out there and the future to keep us going.”

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Bouts for the 2003 BGGW Productions all-girl roller derby season will be held on the second and fourth Sundays of every month, from April to August, from 7 p.m. to 10 p.m. Tickets are $10 and can be purchased at Beerland, Cheapo’s, Playland Skating Center and the clothing outlets Groopie, Casa Loco and Kojak. Venues are to be announced. Tickets for the March 15 derby exhibition at Austin Music Hall range in price from $12 to $15 and can be purchased at the same above locations. The SXSW event lineup features the Hellcats vs. the Holy Rollers and the Putas del Fuego vs. the Rhinestone Cowgirls.
Visit www.bggw.com for event updates; photos and extensive bios on league members; and fun Texas roller girl paraphernalia, from baseball caps and T-shirts to iron-on patches. The organization also can be reached by calling (512) 428-GIRL.C