It’s always an awkward moment when you become something you used to laugh about. I am now that guy. I used to laugh when people told me they were doing a “detox.” It seemed cowardly and one step short of sawing off a limb just to lose weight. Now I look at it more like being a kid and sitting on a phone book to reach the dining room table. Sometimes we just need a little boost.

I have to mention that my wife, Erin, takes good care of herself. She works out six days a week and practices moderation when it comes to adult beverages. I, on the other hand, am no role model. I also work out six days a week, but I sometimes destroy my body with Stella Artois and vending machine oddities at the radio station. Her goal was to “feel better.” My goal was to “feel good,” so we decided to cleanse.

First, we had to choose a method of detox. I have heard of many horrible methods, such as the one some friends did on a retreat. They spent the entire day hiking a mountain. When it was time for lunch, they handed each hiker four almonds, and that was it. My wife and I had to choose carefully. I won’t bore you with the details of the cleanse, but it was essentially the “Lazy Man’s Juicer.” It was six drinks a day alternating between fruit and veggie mixes. We stupidly paid a hefty price for someone on the other side of the country to whip juice together, bottle it up and ship it to us. It was expensive and created quite a large carbon footprint. Obviously, we are somewhat lazy, or we wouldn’t be in this ridiculous detox situation anyway. Why not let someone else make it?

Day one was miserable. All we could think about was eating. It made us realize how often we eat, even if it’s a healthy snack. We were anxious, irritable and felt like we needed a session with Dr. Drew just to get through it.

Day two wasn’t bad — other than being made fun of by co-workers for coming to work with all my cute, labeled bottles. After work, my wife and I spent most of the day talking about how hungry we were. The grass in our back yard was suddenly looking as appetizing as a grilled salmon at Jeffrey’s restaurant. Later that night, we were driving across town and decided sharing one order of fries from P. Terry’s wouldn’t kill us. We got them, but neither of us wanted to take the first bite. We discarded them tearfully at home.

The third and last day was mostly spent grabbing our guts in the mirror, pointing out that it used to stick out to “here,” but now it was only to “there.” I really did start to “feel good,” and my wife was starting to “feel better.” We spent a good majority of day three discussing which fresh juices would go best with vodka after this was over.

The results: I lost 10 pounds and Erin lost five. We immediately decided we can do this ourselves and spent hundreds of dollars on a juicer and some hours in the produce section the following day. It’s only been a week but we spend a disproportionate amount of our day grinding fruit. No wonder it takes so long at Daily Juice.

One week after the detox, I’ve gained back the 10 pounds plus a couple of extra, most likely from my “Grey Goose N’Juice.” My wife, however, looks amazing.

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JB Hager can be heard on the JB and Sandy Morning Show from 6 to 10 a.m. on Mix 94.7 and seen on KEYE 42 from 5 to 7 a.m. weekday mornings.