As I’ve grown older, I’ve come to understand myself a little better. For instance, I realize I’m addicted to gizmos. Always have been. I traded everything I owned to get my first computer, I bought the very first mp3 player ever made (I think it held eight songs) and I was thrilled when I got the first smart phone to hit the market. I can’t help it, I just love gadgets. I can’t wait for the day when we plug our brains into the Matrix. Needless to say, I enjoy fitness a whole lot more when electronics are involved.

I guess this theory explains why I don’t particularly enjoy yoga. A rubber mat and no shoes. Really? Where’s the joy in that. It’s why I can’t fathom Tai Chi or anything else you see people doing in the park for free. I know there’s real movement to these workouts, but I definitely need gadgets involved.

I’ll consider running if I can wear an Ironman suit. Heart rate monitors, GPS in a wristwatch and pedometers fill me with joy. I like the computer to tell me exactly how many calories I’ve burned, my power output, my heart rate and the pace today versus yesterday.

I just need the data. DATA, DATA, DATA. I pretty much know everything that’s going into my body, now I need a way to measure what’s going out. Fecal analytics is the future, I say – you heard it here first!
Okay, that’s disgusting. My point is this: if takes the latest gizmo to motivate you to exercise, why not go for it? I know it’s a lame excuse and not really necessary, but it sure is fun. This is why men love cycling, golf, hockey and car racing. There’s a ton of crap involved.

I can see my wife cringe whenever I start a sentence with “I’m thinking about getting a _____________.” In my mind, as long as it’s fitness-related, it’s justifiable. I do it all the time. “Honey, let’s go look at kayaks. No? Okay, well, how about scuba equipment?” I used to have a windsurfing board. I don’t know why because I never windsurfed. But I had one just the same.

I often think about getting into rock climbing. I really want one of those hammocks that dangles from the side of a cliff. Seriously, I never intend to sleep on the side of a cliff, but I want one nonetheless.

My latest fascination is stand up paddle boards. Right now I’m shopping for my third one and I think my wife is about to kill me. I easily justify it as part of my fitness routine and a way to spend “family time.” Our playroom looks like REI, my car looks like a locker room. It’s ridiculous.

Perhaps I’m compensating for some inadequacy or insecurity. I’m willing to get out there and try things, even if my impulsive purchases seem senseless about a month later. It’s fun while it lasts, I tell myself. I admit it takes a great gadget to motivate me. The way I look at it, life is short, so go buy something!
What’s next? Hang gliding...


JB Hager can be heard on the JB and Sandy Morning Show from 6 to 10 a.m. on Mix 94.7 and seen on KEYE 42 from 5 to 7 a.m. weekday mornings.