The gym can be an odd place for many; it is for me. I’m self-conscious in much the same I feel when doing the Chicken Dance at a wedding. I don’t really want to do it, but everyone else is out there doing it, so why not. It’s kind of the same with the gym in Austin. Everyone is hitting the gym, so I try to fit in. For obvious reasons the gym is a good place to be. If I could just remove some of the following people from my workout area, it would be even better:

The Obsessed With The Mirror Guy.
Does this guy not have a mirror at home? Why is he watching his muscles so intently as if they’re going to grow instantaneously, Hulk-style? Women can’t walk by a mirror and not check themselves out, but guys watching their veins pop out is just annoying.

The Workout in Full Makeup Chick.
I can’t think of anything in this world that makes a woman look more high maintenance. When you start to sweat in spin class, you look like such a sad clown. If the goal is to be more attractive, the woman who doesn’t care what she looks like gets my vote.

The Texting Between Sets Guy.
If you’re so important that you need to be available via text every three minutes, you shouldn’t be in the gym at all. Maybe he’s posting to Twitter, “Second set of forward lats just went great, shaky on the last rep!” Get a life.

The Trainer is My Social Life Chick.
I mostly see this with stay-at-home moms. They spend all their time with a highly-paid trainer chatting and gossiping. If your trainer is earning money properly, you shouldn’t be able to speak.

The Fashionable Bandana Guy.
Unless you wrote “Every Rose has it’s Thorn,” save the bandana for the Austin Rodeo Cowboy Breakfast.

The Try to Talk to Me When I Have an iPod in My Ears Person.
This is about as annoying as someone trying to talk to you on an airplane while you’re reading. Earbuds are the universal sign for “I don’t really want to talk to anyone right now.”

The Steam Room Lurker.
The person that starts chatting with you when you didn’t even know they were there. Even worse, the one that disrobes entirely in the steam room. There are plenty of places on the Web to get your thrills, leave me out of it.

Raquetball Guy.
I see this guy everywhere with his Pro Kennex duffle bag, funny goggles and overkill on the sweatbands. He is always coming and going yet I have never actually seen a court. I theorize that he goes to some back room and listens to Huey Lewis. 1982 called and wants their sport back.

If you could please honor my request and not be any of these people you would make my world a much better place, and aid in my fitness. And please, no pictures or video when I’m dancing, it’s tough enough as it is.